Author's Note:  check out the following resources  for back ground ... if
you don't you can't complain about not understanding!!!

Adventures in Jewish Heritage
... tales from the co-op
... Escape from Westwood!

October 4th, 1998
The Hat's Secret Lair / Country Club (Golf Pro on Premises)
Noonish

    "Why do you have to go?" asked his sister.

    Images of pipes ... sagging pipes, falling palm branches ... sharp
branches.  The Hat shuddered, and pushed the  memory out of his head.

    "Because I ... I ... don't want to build a sukka alone this year, but I
still have to ... eh .. dwell in one ... leaves me in a bind, eh?"

    "So where are you going?" asked his sister.

    Screaming people, moldy surfaces, loud music ... filled The Hat's head.

    Looking down, shaking his head, The Hat mumbled something.

    "What?" asked his sister.

    "The ... the ..."

    "The Bayit."

****************************************************************************
*******
[Begin intro sequence.  Dramatic music build, vaguely reminiscent of "2001"
music starts]

    An alarm clock that read "damn early in the morning" buzzes.  A probing
hand stops it.  In the a dim room, a man stands under a stark overhead
light.  Reaching down, he pulls up a black hat.  He puts it on his head, and
looks up.

[Background music changes to upbeat dance-club-esque tune]

    A toaster with a fork jammed in it shoots sparks over the counter.
Absentmindedly, The Hat grabs the two waffles that have popped out of it,
arcs barely missing his fingers.

    Driving in The HatMobile (beat-up '89 Nissan pick-up), he passes a sign
that reads "Now entering LA Freeways: Everyone for themselves!"  The Hat is
popping dry cereal into his mouth.  One drops to the ground.  He reaches
down to pick it, as the person in the car next to him pulls out a gun, and
shoots the guy in the car on the other side of The HatMobile through the
opened windows.  As the other car swerves out of control, The Hat sits up,
and pops the errant cereal piece in his mouth.

Parking his car, he takes his backpack, and heads to school.  Meanwhile, the
car parked next to his erupts into flames as a stray meteorite collides
with it.

    Eating lunch in the cafeteria, talking with friends, The Hat starts
laughing hysterically.  He writes down the joke on a piece of paper.
Meanwhile, the cash register is being held up by a man with a gun.  The
worker is busy putting cash into a paper sack.

    Sitting at his computer, The Hat, reading his piece of paper, still
laughs at the joke.

    [Zoom in on the screen]

                                        ******************
                                        *Send E-Mail?*
                                        ******************

*****************************************************************
The Continuing Adventures of ...

                                            THE HAT!!!

                                           Today's Adventure:
                                           Jewish Heritage Strikes Back!
*****************************************************************

[A mouse pointer goes over the "Send E-Mail?" button, and clicks it.  Music
concludes]

[In case you couldn't tell, the intro is over]

****************************************************************************
*******

Later That Day
The ... the ...
The Bayit (ie, NO Golf Pro on Premises)

    The HatMobile came to rest in the driveway.  His eyes, shielded from the
sun by the brim of the Hat, came to rest on the rectangular metal frame
sitting in the upper parking lot.

    Metal ... much sturdier than plastic pipes ... much sturdier.

    "Hey!" called out a bayitnik, coming down the stairs.  "Glad you made
it.  We still need to buy some supplies.  Were going to go to home depot."

    After a short conference, the shopping list was confirmed.  Soon, The
HatMobile was speeding off.

    Not too much longer, the HatMobile was sitting in front of  a phone
booth, idling.

    "'Off to Home Depot!' you guys said," shouted The Hat, still in his car,
to the bayitniks, who were thumbing through the phone book.  "Sure sounded
like you guys knew where one was."

    "Sue us, 'K?" replied a bayitnik.  "You're the one who started driving
off without knowing where you were going!"

    Soon, the HatMobile was speeding off again, this time with direction.

    Wandering the aisles of the massive warehouse, the team reviews their
list.

    Tarps or canvas sheets.
    Rope.
    Wooden planks.
    Outdoor lights.

    "The sukka frame is about 8 feet high, and has a girth of 20 feet,
without the doorway."
    "We can get this thick plastic sheet cut to size."
    "We need to uses this year after year, plastic will wear out.  Get the
tarp."
    "The tarp doesn't come in the right size."
    "We have to get rope to secure it all!"

    Eventually, they decided on tarp.  Eventually.

    "Less than two hours to bring it home, and put it together, and we still
have to pick up wood!"
    "That wood is too thin, it'll sag instead of supporting the bamboo."
    "Too heavy."
    "Too short."
    "Too ... rotten."

    Standing in line, the group held up four 12 foot planks.
    "Wait!" one shouted.  "We still need lights."
    So while one bayitnik ran off to get lights, The Hat and the other paid
for the supplies already procured.
    After they where all paid for, they began loading the materials onto the
cart.  "An hour till Sukkot begins.  We haven't left the store yet.  Where
is she with the lights?"
    Soon, she arrives with a battery powered fluorescent lantern.

    Everything is paid for.  As the group carts their purchases to The
HatMobile, The Hat peruses the receipts.
    "Twice," blurted The Hat.
    "What?"
    "The cashier charged us twice for the one lantern.  Look on the receipt.
Load the stuff in the back of the truck.  I'll resolve it."

    So The Hat and the cashier waited for Alberto's refund approval.  He
wondered if the bayitniks needed help loading.

    Refund in pocket, The Hat proceeded to his ride.

    The HatMobile now had wings.  Wooden ones.

    The bayitniks had placed the 12 foot planks in a nice symmetrical
fashion in the back of his truck, with the oversized ends poking out
diagonally from both the corners of the back of his bed, making his car a
few feet wider on both sides, and a chore to drive.
    "We have to rearrange this," he said.  But his attempts to shift the
planks so that they all stuck out of one corner were thwarted by the
ingenious spider web of rope that secured the planks.
    "Wha .... What did you do?"
    "I secured it," responded the bayitnik.  "Time's wasting.  Less than an
hour to get back and set everything up."
    Forced by time, The HatMobile sped back to the Bayit, ridiculous wings
in tow.

    Two minutes later, it was parked by the road.  The HatMobile's extra
width made it unnerving to drive.  The spider web was being undone, and the
planks were rearranged.

    At the Bayit, The HatMobile arrived right before the food shopping.
    Half an hour to go, and the sukka was no where near done.
    Moving supplies to the upper parking lot, a smug voice interrupted The
Hat's activities.
    "Hey, I left a sock in your mom's bedroom.  Can you bring it around the
next time you're here?"
    Turning to the tall bayitnik, The Hat frowned.  "What is it with you and
'yo mama' jokes?  Don't you EVER get tired of them?"
    Shaking his head vehemently, the bayitnik began tying the tarps to the
frame of the sukka.  "Why should I?  I never get tired of your mom."
    Lashing the planks to the top of the frame, The Hat shook his own head.
"Shameless.  Absolutely shameless.  Nice to see you haven't changed."

    Amazingly, ten minutes before the festival began, the sukka was looking
almost complete.
    "A true testament to teamwork, friends," stated The Hat.  "Who are you
people, and what have you done with the real bayitniks?"
    "The planks are sagging," stated the tall bayitnik.  "We have to do
something, other wise they'll fall through."
    "We don't have time.  Sukkot starts in 10 minutes."
    Despite The Hat's protest, the bayitnik explained some sort of net-like
rope structure to support the planks.
    The Hat went along, although he never really understood what he was
doing.

    The Hat hopped out of the shower, just as the festival rolled in.

    Sukkot had begun.  The sukka was complete.  And nothing collapsed.

    Who are you people, and what have you done with the real Hat's audience?